


To Savour

by WretchedAngel



Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: Also english is not my native language be nice pls, Angst, Anxiety, Anxious Katsuki Yuuri, But it's not that graphic, First Sex, First Time, Fluff, Getting Together, Happy Ending, Hurt/Comfort, Just read and you'll know, Little bit of Fluff, Little bit of angst, M/M, One Shot, Smut, This is my first fic for this fandom have mercy, Warning for description of vomiting, Yuuri's anxious because he wants Victor, first fic, some smut, stomach sickness, yuri!!! on ice - Freeform, yuuri vomits but he is not anorexic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-25
Updated: 2016-12-25
Packaged: 2018-09-12 03:08:23
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,422
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9052759
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WretchedAngel/pseuds/WretchedAngel
Summary: /Yuuri does not have an eating disorder, even though it might seem like it from the following summary. Just read the tags./**Yuuri can't eat, because he is anxious. He doesn't mind his loss of apetite, because thanks to it, he is loosing weight.Victor shows Yuuri, that he has every right to savour his katsudon.





	

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first ever Victuri fic, I really hope you will enjoy it!  
> English is not my mothertongue, so please, if you find any mistakes, let me know in the comments.

***  
_‚No one will love you, if you’re unattractive.'_

That’s what he was certain about.

Sure, your family, your friends, the people you know may like you, even if you are not the best looking, but they will always love you more if you increase your attractiveness. In Yuuri’s case – if you loose weight. He wasn’t surprised though.

***  
Anxiety was Yuuri's annoying friend for his whole life. It had always been there, quietly whispering painful things, unnoticeably pointing out all of his flaws, constatly reminding him, that there was always someone better, then himself.

And Yuuri didn't complain, he did what he thought was the only option, and it came to him naturally - he got used to it. By now, he couldn't imagine falling asleep without the anxious feeling in his chest. Eventually, he learned how to overcome it, ignore it, persuade himself that his state was normal. He gained self control and after loosing the last year's Grand Prix final, he promised himself to never show how bad he was feeling on the inside.

All of that painfully gained supervision on his own emotions, dissapeared immediatelly after he saw Victor Nikiforov standing naked right in front of him, announcing him, that he was gonna be his coach fot the upcoming season. Most of the people would have thought, that the fact, that Yuuri's dream practically came truth, would help his condition, but, it was the other way around. So what happened? Yuuri's self control waved at him and moved probably to Russia, meanwhile his anxiety and questionable emotions greeted him with open arms.

And of course it wasn’t that bad, he was seeing, hearing and touching his idol every day, but that was only in the moment. In the evening, when he layed himself to sleep was the time for his anxious feelings to come out.

Only that this time, something else, besides anxiety occured. Something Yuuri wasn’t prepared for.

He found himself being disgusted by the idea of consuming food, especially in the mornings. Which was problematic, because their training sessions were in the mornings and he needed energy to preform his best.

It was not like he didn’t eat on purpose, it was not like he was anorexic, he was just way too tired and way too stressed so he lost his apetite. During the daytime, he could manage that, it wasn’t that bad, but in the mornings, he felt like he was going to vomit even without eating anything. He couldn’t imagine eating anything more then slice of an apple.

That could be viewed as a normal, when you are tired, that could be easily fixed. What couldn’t be fixed so easily was the fact, that Yuuri didn’t mind that. Yuuri enjoyed not needing food, Yuuri was happy that he saw the number on the scale go down.

Yuuri wasn’t a big fan of his own looks, he didn’t find himself good looking at the most cases and he almost certainly wasn’t happy with the way his body looked. He knew he wasn’t anorexic, but when this resistance to eat appeared inside him, he didn’t complain.

And him, slowly, but for sure, falling in love with Victor, also didn’t help. His life right now was tiring, yet exciting and amazing, untill one particular morning, it all just got too much

***  
He managed to get out of the bed and make it on time for his training session – not eating a breakfast carried lots of advantages, like extra time in bed in the mornings.  
He felt strange though, almost, like he was going to be sick and as he was walking towards the ice ring, this feeling only increased. He put on his skates and stepped on the ice, Victor welcomed him with mesmerizing smile.

„Good morning, Yuuri,“ he said as he stroked Yuuri’s shoulder. Yuuri immediately felt shivers running down his spine, but he also felt his head spinning and his vision got a bit blurry. That could be categorized as a symptom of your crush touching you, but Yuuri knew better. Sure, Victor’s touch was one of the best things that happened to him, but he knew, that him, feeling like he was going to vomit, wasn’t Victor’s fault.

„Good morning, Victor,“ he replied as happily as he could. He hoped, that Victor wouldn’t notice anything. But somewhere deep inside him, he craved he would.

„Did you sleep well?“ Victor asked carefully, his hand still placed on Yuuri’s shoulder. Yuuri nodded and attempted to smile, Victor smiled back. Yuuri had to look away, he couldn’t deal with the desire to kiss Victor this time, he had more important battles to fight right now – like not collapsing onto the ice.

„Do your typical warm up and then we will start practising your Eros routine,“ Victor stroked his shoulder one last time and then he aimed towards the edge of the ring. „I’ll be watching,“ he winked at Yuuri. Yuuri nearly fainted.

His heart was beating very fast and his stomach felt unsteady, it was a feeling very similar to being hangover. He was shaking. It probably wasn’t the best idea to skate in this condition, but he didn’t allow himself any other option.

So he skated.

But he didn’t skate for long.

It only took few spins around and he had to storm out of the ice rink and run as fast as he could (as fast as his skates alowed him) towards the closest bathroom.

„Yuuri…?!“ Victor shouted after him and Yuuri prayed he wouldn’t follow, because he really didn’t need Victor to see him being sick.

_„Yuuri!“_

He made it just on time, kneeled in front of the toilet as his stomach painfully twisted. He didn’t had much he could trow up in himself, so he was vomiting just water and disgusting stomach acids.

Unfortunately, he did not manage to lock the door.

„Yuuri, are you okay? I’m here.“ Yuuri heard Victor’s russian accent right behind his back. He did not dare to turn around, he did not dare to face Victor. He couldn’t explain things to him right now.

„Go-go away,“ he blurted as his stomach twisted again and he choked on his own body liquids. Disgusting. _He was disgusting._

„I’m not going anywhere Yuuri,“ Victor said and instead of leaving him alone, he sat next to him and started rubbing his back. Yuuri really tried but eventually he gave up his attempts to chase Victor away and accepted his warm comforting hand on his back.

„I am your coach, I will take care of you,“ Victor said, almost lovingly.

Few very uncomfortable moments later, the stomach sickness stopped but Yuuri was still facing the toilet and he was shaking.

„I-I’m so sorry you h-had to see that,“ Yuuri murmured and finally, with all of his courage, looked at Victor. Victor’s face was filled with worry.

„Oh Yuuri! Don’t say stuff like that, it’s my fault, I am your coach and I should have seen that you didn’t feel well.“

Victor probably thought that Yuuri had some kind of stomach infection or that he ate something bad. He had no idea why Yuuri was feeling like this. Should he tell him? Should he confess Victor everything?

„O-okay,“ was all that he could say. He was exhausted. Victor raised his hand and cupped his cheek, Yuuri didn’t understand how could he touch him so gently right after he saw him being sick.

„I will take you home, you will get proper rest, we’ll start training when you feel like it,“ Victor said and stood up. Yuuri wanted to stand up too, but he couldn’t even move.  
And he didn’t need to say a word, Victor wrapped his long arms around his waist and lifted him up. The closeness made Yuuri feel excited and calm at the same time, his heart was racing, but it wasn’t like the tiring beating during his anxiety attacks.

„Do you feel like being sick again soon?“ Victor asked carefully, as he held Yuuri in his arms. Yuuri just shook is head.

„I want to go home,“ he added then.

„Can you walk?“ Victor was so thoughtful, that it made Yuuri emotional.

„I guess,“ he replied weakly.

Victor kept his arm tightly wrapped around Yuuri’s waist and led him towards the locker room. Yuuri rested his head on Victor’s shoulder. Victor carefully sat him on one of the benches and started to undo his skates.

Even in this condition, Yuuri really enjoyed the sight of Victor kneeling in front of him.

And it’s not like Victor didn’t enjoy it too.

But that was for another time.

***  
Katsuki’s house was very close to the Ice Palace, so it took only around five minutes to get there. During their way home, Yuuri was mostly silent and Victor was holding him, like he was never planning on letting go. He loved that feeling. He could get used to Victor’s arm being tightly wrapped around his waist.  
Suddenly, besides the unpleseant aftertaste inside of his mouth, and slight dizziness, he felt more okay then he felt in a long while. All thanks to Victor’s touch and care.

„I’ll go and refresh myself a bit in the bathroom,“ Yuuri told Victor when they reached his room.

„Am I supposed to go with you? Will you be okay?“ Victor asked, still looking very concerned. It was adorable.

„I feel a bit better, I’ll handle it,“ Yuuri reasured him and gave him a small smile. Victor just nodded and said: „I will wait for you here, if that’s okay.“

„Yeah,“ was all that Yuuri had to say. He couldn’t wait to brush his teeth, so he aimed for the bathroom and this time, didn’t forget to lock the door.  
He wasn’t feeling sick anymore, he was pretty sure that the sickness was caused by the exhaustion and the lack of consumed food.

_Should he tell Victor?_

_Does he deserve to know?_

_Of course he does._

Okay, so he was going to tell Victor. But how would he react? Would he leave Yuuri, because he’d think he’s gone insane? Would he force him to see a therapist? Would he be mad?

He splashed his face with cold water to wake himself up a bit, he also drank a bit of that water, unlocked the door and then he returned to his room.

Victor was nervously pacing across Yuuri’s room when Yuuri came back from the bathroom. As soon as he spotted Yuuri’s presence he stopped and said:

„Lay down, I will bring you some tea, that should help with the stomach sickness.“

Yuuri had no problem following the first part of the request and happily collapsed onto his bed, but he knew, that tea against stomach sickness wouldn’t do anything special today.

„Actually, would you mind staying here with me?“ Yuuri had no idea, where that came from.  
„I mean – but only if you want to – I imagine you must be completely disgusted by me now,“ he started gabbling. He was sitting on his bed, not looking at Victor, so he was very surprised, when he felt arm wrapping around his shoulders.

„Oh Yuuri,“ Victor sighed, „if you want to show me your real Eros, we will have to work on this.“

„Wh-what are you talking about?“

„How can you not see, that you are completely adorable and beautiful human being Yuuri? You think that stomach sickness is going to change that? You think that eating something bad and your body fighting againts it is going to take your amazingness from you?“

Those words were beautiful, yet painful at the same time. They showed, how much Victor cared for Yuuri, but they also showed, how wrong he was about Yuuri’s condition. Without even thinking about it, Yuuri spoke.

„More like not eating anything at all.“

Victor froze in the middle of his monologue, which could be called ‚Ode to Katsuki Yuuri‘ and slowly looked at Yuuri’s face.

„What?“ he asked, voice suddenly more serious, face again, filled with discomposure.

Yuuri took a deep breath, this was the moment he was going to reveal himself to Victor.

„I didn’t eat anything today,“ he started.

„Yuuri! How-,“ Victor’s eyes were wide with shock, but Yuuri stopped him.

„Let me finish this, then you can say whatever you have to say.“ The look he gave Victor must have been convincing, because Victor only nodded and kept on his serious face.

„I-I have anxiety, I’ve had it for my whole life, then I managed to overcome it for some time, but then…,“ Yuuri had to take few more deep breaths before he could continue. Victor was still there, he hadn’t left. That helped.

„You appeared, and for God’s sake I’m so not blaming you for anything, because you are the best thing that happened to me in a long while. You were, and still are able to make me feel happy.“

Victor gasped, he was obviously surprised. „I still don’t follow,“ he said. Yuuri nodded.

„Victor, the thing is…, I am not used to being happy. This new amazing life you gave me…, it was just so much, it was everything. But I am weak, Victor, and I can’t handle this new everything,“ Yuuri said, trying really hard not to cry right now.

„Yuuri, I,“ Victor was speechless, he only lifted his hand and cupped Yuuri’s cheek. Yuuri couldn’t help it but leaned into the touch.

„So the anxiety started again, anxiety about my feelings towards you, about my skating career, about my whole life. And along with this anxiety, I stopped feeling hunger, I stopped wanting to eat, I lost my apetite. Especially in the mornings, the idea of eating makes me want to vomit, and it’s not because of stomach sickness. Today, I was just so done, I was shaking, my heart was beating and my stomach just went crazy, I’m sorry.“

Yuuri spoke fast, because he was feeling his eyes watering.

„I suppose you don’t want me to leave,“ he heard Victor speaking.

„No, of course not!“ Yuuri blurted out quickly.

And before he could say anything more, Victor was hugging him tightly, and Yuuri wanted him never to stop.

„Yuuri, I am so sorry, I am a really shitty coach for not noticing this,“ Victor said, rubbing Yuuri’s back gently.

As much as Yuuri enjoyed this feeling, he knew he hadn’t said everything he had to.

„Wait Victor,“ Yuuri pulled back, Victor looked confused, „that’s not everything.“

 _„Yuuri, have you been selfharming?“_ Victor asked harshly, looking terrified, tightly gripping on Yuuri’s hand.

„No, no Victor, I haven’t“ Yuuri answered. Victor visibly relaxed.

„Then what is it, my precious _Katsudon?"_

Yuuri’s voice was shaking, „I didn’t mind it, Victor,“ he confessed, looking straight into Victor’s eyes.

„I didn’t mind it,“ he repeated, „I was happy, because thanks to this complete loss of apetite, I was loosing the weight I gained. That weight and even more. And I guess I still don’t mind it.“

Victor was staring at him silent in complete awe for a few moments. Yuuri didn’t turn away from Victor’s intense sight, he was just waiting. His heart started beating little bit faster.

Then Victor groaned, threw himself on top of Yuuri and passionately kissed him.

_Well, that was unexpected._

Yuuri had no idea what made Victor to do this, but he really didn’t complain. Victor was a good kisser, that’s the only way he could formulate his thoughts.  
The kiss was hot and messy and full of desire, but unfortunately, it lasted less longer then Yuuri would have wanted. Victor pulled away and pined him down, onto the matress. His cheeks were flushed and his eyes were wide. His siver hair were touching Yuuri’s forehead. To Yuuri, he was pure perfection.

Yuuri whimpered at the loss of his lips

„What on Earth,“ Victor said harshly and leaned down to kiss Yuuri’s neck. „Made you think,“ he continued, while kissing his way down Yuuri’s neck, stopping by his collarbone. „That you are anything less then perfect?“

„I-I… oh,“ Yuuri couldn’t speak while Victor was touching him like that.

„I figured that you are clearly enjoying this,“ Victor pointed out while gently biting Yuuri’s neck. „So I am going to show you, why you are perfect, why you definitely should enjoy food and most importantly, that you can handle this everything, you called it, is that okay?“

Victor. Even though he could have anyone, he was still asking Yuuri for premission. That was overwhelming.

„Please,“ Yuuri nodded. He didn’t know what he needed untill that moment. He had no idea, what could help him get rid of his anxiety. And now he knew.

 

All what he really needed was Victor to _fuck him._

Victor once again, leaned down for a kiss, only this time, it was something completely different. This kiss showed not only lust and passion, it also showed emotions, love and need. Victor softly bit Yuuri’s lower lip, Yuuri opened his mouth a bit and pressed his tongue againts Victor’s.

 The make out session itself was amazing, but Yuuri needed something more, and he was sure that him and Victor had shared needs, judging by the intensity Victor was holding onto him. He wrapped his legs around Victor‘s waist and pressed their crotches together. That made Victor moan. _That_ made Yuuri hard.

Victor grabbed Yuuri’s ass and pressed them together even more, it was so intense that Yuuri’s vision got blurry for the second time that day. Only that this time, for a completely different reason.

Victor slipped his long fingers under Yuuri’s t-shirt and removed it within seconds, then, he quickly got rid of his own t-shirt as well.

„Fuck Yuuri,“ he exclaimed when he saw Yuuri shirtless, „you are gorgeous.“ He started placing kisses all over Yuuri’s chest and stomach. He soon discovered that Yuuri really enojyed having his nipples licked, when he heard those sinful, hot noices coming from Yuuri’s mouth.

„Victor, please, I need more,“ he heard Yuuri whimper beneath him. God, that made him horny.

„Sure thing, _baby boy_ ,“ he grinned as he licked Yuuri’s skin right above the edge of his sweatpants. That nickname definitely turned Yuuri on.

He then pulled down the poor sweatpants and even Yuuri’s boxers and threw them away as the very unnecessary items they were at the moment.  
Yuuri pulled Victor back on top of him, quickly helping him to undo his own trousers. Soon, they were pressing their naked bodies against each other and holy shit, was that good.

Yuuri again, wrapped his legs around Victor’s waist, pressing their aching, untouched erections together.

This time, it didn’t make Victor hard, it almost made him come.

„Shit Yuuri, you feel so good,“ he groaned as Yuuri moved his hips towards him. Yuuri moaned back in pure pleasure.

It felt so hot, so needy, and _so fucking okay_.

Victor knew that they were not going to last for long, so he took both of their cocks into his hand and started rubbing them.

„I know that right now it’s going to be quick,“ he said in a deep voice, looking into Yuuri’s eyes, dark with pleasure. „So we are going to do it like this,“ he said and moved his hips againts Yuuri’s. „But be sure, that the next time,“ he said, with each word thursting faster, „I am going to savour you,“ he finished. Yuuri moaned loudly at those words. God, Victor was making him feel wonders.

„Shit Victor, I am going to-,“

„That’s okay, _sweatheart_ , come for me,“ Victor cut him of. He was pretty sure that he was going to come as well, when he sees Yuuri’s ‚O‘ face and hears his pretty noises.

Those words threw Yuuri over the edge, and he came, hard and loud, with Victor, following him immediately.

For a few moments, they layed next to each other, exhausted, sticky from the cum but as happy as they could possibly be. Yuuri literally felt like a newborn. Was Victor all that he needed after all? Probably. And now, when he was curled up in his arms, he felt the anxiety slowly, but for sure leaving him. He didn’t know how was this thing with Victor going to turn out, but he knew for sure that he was hella excited about it. He also found himself feeling something he hadn’t felt in a long while. And it wasn’t love.

„Thank you,“ Yuuri said after a while of peaceful silence.

„What for?“ Victor asked, stroking Yuuri’s faces gently.

„For making me feel _hungry_ again.“


End file.
